Thursday, December 23, 2010

Cab/Shiraz blend

Fun little update this morning letting me know that I've officially been invited and that my packet was sent on the 22nd. I started to look through the toolkit (since it's all I have right now) and immediately felt overwhelmed by all of the information and the links to seventy-two different pages. I took a deep breath and told myself that thousands of other invitees are dealing with the same things, that people leave the country all the time, and that there's no reason why I can't get my shit together and do it too.

I got an email from an Evite account the other night, it was my four best friends setting up a goodbye weekend for me. I just sat there with tears in my eyes, for maybe the first time since applying, thinking about how I'm actually going to miss so much going on in people's lives. Things don't stop just because I'm not there to see them, unfortunately. I'm most likely going to miss a few weddings, babies being born, first days of kindergarten... I've gone several years without seeing people before, but it's never been realized on this end of it where it's like, "Ok, this is the LAST time I'm going to see you for however long." It's always been, "Oh crap, you know who I haven't seen in FOREVER is so and so."

I keep catching myself looking at my life from the outside. Not as a whole, but just at the fact that I'm going to do Peace Corps. I think about other people I know who do amazing things, and travel, and be adventurous. Until now I've kind of always sat back, comfortable where I am, and marveled at how much fun their lives must be, wishing I could just dip my toe in a little bit of what they're experiencing. Now that's my life. Now I'm the one who is doing something nuts, who is moving to Africa, who is diving in headfirst. The funny thing is, this all feels perfectly natural. I can't imagine not doing it at this point, and I'm almost a little embarrassed at how hard I thought it would be three or five or seven years ago.

I'm actually really proud of myself.


Meredith said...

The way you describe how life goes on when your away is perfect. Its not that I am sad that I am leaving my friends and family behind I am sad about what they will be enjoying while Im making a difference.
And the amount of paper work does feel overwhelming especially looking at the toolkit online without your formal invitation, but they do such a good job telling you what needs to be turned in and when and to who. It helps.

Emily Grace said...

You're going to be such an amazing addition in Africa. So happy for you! I have that same feeling you described-- it feels more natural to leave everything you know and begin this adventure than to stay comfortable where you are. Weird. But so exciting. :)

Lew said...

Congratulations and how wonderful it is that you got your invitation at this particular time when so many PC PO Staffers are probably already on a holiday to see their friends & families.
You'll do great in Africa.
Good luck with all of the final arrangements.
Now, get packing!