(wrote most of this last night, was too emotional to post it)
I don't have a phone anymore. Well, technically I still have a phone, but it won't ring if you call me because I don't have a phone number any longer. I called AT&T a few weeks ago to ask about canceling my service, and the guy told me to call back closer to my billing date since it's on the 7th of every month. I figured I could be without a phone for a day or two, since we're leaving on the 8th, and it wouldn't be a big deal. Apparently no longer having the phone number that I've had for 11 years was a bigger deal to my psyche than I thought it would be. (I obviously need to be less connected to stupid things, so this will be good for me.) When I called this afternoon the woman told me it'd be disconnected tonight. I panicked a little, but then forgot about it. Until we were at the bar waiting on the patio for a table. A little message popped up saying that there was no SIM card installed. All the sudden it hit me (it does that every now and then) that I'm moving to Africa in two days. Actually four, but I'm leaving home in two. I cried for about 3 minutes and then laughed. Most of the evening went like that; it'd hit me, I'd cry, and then start laughing.
That quote by Anais Nin, “and the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom,” never quite hit home like it has in the last few weeks. I always appreciated it though I never understood why there was risk staying tight in a bud. But there is, and it's gotten painful. Whenever someone asks if I'm nervous, I think to myself that I'm more nervous about what my life would end up like if I stay put. Yes, I have lots of people that I love here, but my life would not be full of passion and adventure here. This experience is going to make my life intensely more rich. Simply put, when I was a baby, my parents did not dream of me growing up and being too scared to try new things.
This morning after brunch my best friend noted that we were all standing around, avoiding getting in our cars to leave. She said she wanted to just keep standing there so I'd miss my plane, but I said that eventually she had to go home to Tampa and back to work and that would leave me in Gainesville, still not doing anything special.