One of those days

In the year and a half since I've been here, I can probably count the number of times I've felt bored or disheartened on one hand. Being bored means you're a boring person, right? I'm usually perfectly content with myself for company and have a myriad of distractions to keep me occupied. The last three days I've felt bored and disheartened almost constantly.  Maybe it's the fact that power has been out, that's it's overcast and rainy, that my neighbors are gone so it's quieter than usual, or that my students were complete idiots at the last assembly and heckled me when I asked them to not be rude and interrupt the speaker. It's never a good sign when you get a text at 6:52 am already declaring it "one of those days." At least I'm not alone.

I filled out my VRF the other day, a tool we use to report to PC about our goings-on at site and what we're working on, and seeing it all down in writing kind of depressed me.  I'm not doing a lot.  Putting it down in writing here is going to suck too, but I'm hoping indulging for a few minutes in my little pity party will help me work through it.  Two out of the three goals of Peace Corps are cross cultural, so keeping a blog, talking about the differences between America and Uganda, posting pictures, teaching my friends here how to cook an American meal, all those things count as what I'm supposed to be doing. Sometimes though, it doesn't feel like enough.  My primary project is teaching at the college, but since things there are more disorganized than not and we really only teach one term out of three, I'm not nearly as busy as I want to be.  My counterpart is the head of the math department and I feel a lot of the time like I'm just a free teacher for him for a couple years.  He's a great guy, a hard worker, amicable, and dedicated to his job, but as far as working with me on anything other than "Here is your schedule for this term," he doesn't have time or interest.  We're encouraged to find other counterparts to work with if our assigned one doesn't work, so I've talked to some of the women at the college about a few different projects where their interests and my skills match up. (There are only three others, one lives at the college and two of them live in town and commute).  The one at the college is an awesome older woman who I enjoy chatting with and who has looked out for me, but she has a negative and seemingly inflexible attitude on getting anything to change.  She's from another part of Uganda originally so she still views the north from an outsider's perspective and says they have a lot to catch up on. The other two women live in town and have young families to take care of, so they're not around except when they teach, and then they leave again. Getting anything to even begin, let alone be followed through on, has been difficult and frustrating.

The men at the college ask me over and over why I focus on "the girl-child" in terms of talking about reproductive health and whatnot, that the boys deserve to be educated too, that they might have sisters who would benefit from this information. I get their point, but girls are so much more marginalized and at risk of dropping out of school because of reproductive health related reasons (i.e. getting their periods and not having sanitary pads, getting pregnant, getting pregnant then having an abortion that nearly kills them, getting pregnant then having an abortion that nearly kills them and then being made fun of in front of the school assembly by the administration for the experience...).  I'm all for boys having strong, positive role models that show them how to grow up and be respectful, responsible men, but I'm not dumb enough to pretend that I can be that for the boys here.  The phrase "you have to pick your battles" marries perfectly with what it's like to serve in the Peace Corps, as does "don't bite off more than you can chew."

It doesn't help that my yard is now full of the furry, sneaky, poisonous caterpillars that make their cocoons up the sleeves of jackets, and then when you go to put it on you get caterpillar stings all up your arm (true story, not to me though, thankfully.)

Obviously this is all me whining about it being hard here, which I fully expected, so I need to cut the crap. My goals today were to sew the armpits of a dress so the arm openings were smaller, to write a blog post, and to plan for a meeting with some girls tomorrow about making pads. So far I'm two for three and am feeling better than when I sat down to write this, so maybe today won't suck. 

Thank the heavens I have a new modem!

I don't remember if I've shared this, but my modem was stolen back around New Years. I'd left it at a friends house in my hard-drive case. Her house was broken into and long story short, I've been sans internet on my computer since then.  I made due with my iPhone for email and facebook until April when I bought a modem off a COSing volunteer. Life is slower here, so it took a while to get airtime on it, get it working, plug it in to see if it worked, and then actually use it. Well, here I am, sitting in my yard with my feet propped up typing a new blog entry on my computer (the connection is much faster outside, and it's nice out.)

The rainy season started one weekend while I was in Kampala for a meeting. I got texts from my friends back up north saying how hard it was raining and how they were pretty sure it was the apocalypse, given how dry and barren it had been for so long. Even just two days later when I was on my way back to Lira, I could see a change in the landscape and the air. Things looked clearer, as if the rain had washed away the dust that had been blowing around the lower atmosphere.  It was a wonderful relief and all of my neighbors hurriedly began planting the gardens that they had prepared in the weeks leading up to the deluge. I am noticeably behind the rest of them as I just planted my "garden" yesterday.  I just did some herbs and peppers and lettuce, so we'll see what comes up. I have a black thumb, but playing in the dirt and watching food appear from my blisters has been more fun that I'd realized, so I figured I'd give it another shot this time around.

A few weeks prior to this I had a fun experience with home break-ins. I came home one afternoon only to find that my outdoor kitchen was open (my fault, I hadn't locked it) and my main house was open as well (this was not my fault, I most definitely HAD locked that).  I did the opposite of what you're supposed to do in this situation and entered my house to peek around. Nothing seemed out of place until I realized that my camera was broken, my headlamp was missing, and a mango was gone. Bitches and hoes, that was the first mango of the season and I was really looking forward to it.  A suggestion from the Peace Corps Safety and Security Coordinator (Fred you are awesome!) led me to check the pictures on my camera and sure enough, some jerk of a child had broken in (still don't know how), taken my camera around the village all afternoon, had a ball from the looks of it, and then replaced it when it was no longer useable. Ass. I have almost 100 pictures of this kid's joyride, including one black and white of a cow drinking from a borehole drain or something. I printed that one and hung it up, it's kind of funny and I actually like it. I'm incredibly thankful that this was my break-in experience and that it wasn't much much worse.

I went home for a wedding and to visit a few weeks ago, and I got a lot of questions about my safety.  I really have never felt unsafe here. Granted there have been a few times where I've tread carefully; my first time walking back from Nikki's at night (literally less than 10 minutes), any time I've been in Kampala at night, during dry season when my yard is extra crunchy and any stray animal wakes me up... but I promise that I do not feel unsafe here. I find it funny, but also kind of sad, when people back home exclaim that I'm nuts for being here. Most likely they have no clue how it really is, but more importantly they're generalizing that Africa is unsafe, that it's different, that it's all around, inherently bad. I will be the first to admit that I complain about things here, that things are slow moving, that customer service is non-existent, and that public transportation makes me want to cry occasionally. However, my experience here has been that most people most of the time want to go out of their way to make sure I'm ok. They are kind and generous, they smile and laugh, and they seem genuinely happy to see me and hear how I've been.

Going home was an adventure in and of itself. By the time Nora and Emmy picked me up in Jacksonville, I had been awake for 48 hours and was still 2 hours away from getting into a bed. That is far, far too long to be awake.  The wedding I went home for was the next day, and somehow I was not only awake for the whole thing, but I was coherent and even lively in some instances.  Spending that day with my friends was priceless, and I knew there was literally no where else on Earth I'd rather have been.  America was amazing, it's incredible how my perspective has changed while I've been in Uganda. I didn't have any freak-outs in the cereal aisle, but I think part of that was that I was preparing myself to completely feel like a martian, so the small things that threw me off were more humorous than anything else. I stood staring at a wall of running shoes, not sure where to even begin selecting a pair to try on. I eventually had to leave the store, giving my apologies to the clerk who'd offered to help me only to be told "um, I don't know..." I walked around target (TARGET! best store everrrrr) for two hours and marveled at things like employees working hard rather than sitting in a corner slowly wiping the dust off of anything in arms' reach, the quiet radio playing rather than some sort of foreign (to me at least) music blaring, how nothing really smelled of anything in particular, how clothing hung on a rack, ten of the exact same dresses so you could find your size... I could go on forever. It was amazing. A lot of my readjustment worries were alleviated, things I'd had in the back of my mind for the last 16 months. Would my dog remember me, and more importantly, want to be my dog again? Would my cat? Would I remember how to drive? Blow dry my hair? I feel like having these questions answered (yes, yes, yes, yes, no) will make it a little easier to relax this year, knowing that going home again won't be as hard as I'd built it up in my mind.

Other things that blew my mind about America: Driving... alone, in my car, going to where I want to go to do things that take however long, that is a freedom in and of itself. Well done. The wastefulness of packaging... everything does not need to be surrounded by three layers of plastic. Bottled water? Really? You know the water is safe over there, right? (for the record, water fountains blew me away, too) The diversity... I was expecting to be surrounded by a sea of white people. Not so! It was really awesome, considering that the homogenous-ness of Uganda is one thing that really bugs me. How we still can't get gay rights right... why am I on the other side of the world sharing our culture and trying to teach people "a better way" of doing anything if my home still hasn't gotten it right. It makes me want to come home and work for that instead (or after, I'm almost done here anyway) My family & friends... I knew they were awesome, but it was beyyyyond amazing to see everyone again and be reminded of all the positive influences in my life that constantly push me to be better. If I saw you while I was back (and unfortunately there are a couple people I didn't get to see, too, you know who you are) you are one of the ones whom I truly value and miss and appreciate!

After going back to the states, I got to take a trip to Jordan to see Petra, the Dead Sea, and the Red Sea, all of which were incredibly humbling. Being in a place with the history that it has (well documented, far-reaching history I guess, everywhere has history) made me feel very connected to civilization as an entity. That sounds weird, sorry. In simpler terms, it was really, really cool.  We floated around in the water-so-salty-that-it-was-oily, smeared black mud all over and laughed about how people pay hundreds of dollars for that crap in spas. We drove on a highway that has been a trade route for thousands of years and is mentioned in the Bible (it was beautiful and completely understated.) Those will be some of my favorite memories for a long time.  Thank you Claire for hosting us!

Now I'm back, settled back into my routine of brushing my teeth in the yard and trotting out to the latrine (which smells of margaritas since I just opened the second air freshener that Laura had sent last summer!)  I'm back to eating my one plate of beans for lunch, unfortunately the beans have been also coming with a side of little worms recently.  It's incredible the things you can get used to...

A year in

Life on the equator is still trucking along. This should be some poignant seminal entry about how changed and amazing my life is, but the truth is that my "normal" now is more mundane than not, and it would be disingenuous to tout my life as more than what it is. Basically it’s hot as all get out and my feet are filthy. Most days I try not to make too many faux pas. Some students have shown up but there’s not teaching going on yet. I laugh a little to myself when the other tutors talk about needing to make a timetable for classes so the students know we’re serious. Hmm.

I spent last weekend shuttling back and forth around Northern Uganda. I had gone to Iceme to stay with Jacque a night before heading to Gulu, but got a call from my principal that our staff meeting was scheduled for the next morning (after having been put off for two weeks and no one knew anything about a new time for it) so I jetted back to Boroboro to attend the meeting and then zipped back up to Gulu to celebrate the close of our first year in Uganda. We layed by the pool, ate lots of Ethiopian food, got super dirty on transport to Stevie's house, and drank "non-alcoholic celebration drink". <3 magical.

There are screens on my bedroom windows now, as it is too stiflingly hot to close them at night, but I’m still freaked out about malaria and little hands reaching in to take my shit. Not that screens offer much protection against the latter but at least I’d wake up and be able to scream something (or lay there in a terrified silence…)

Not much else, I’m just trying to be better about writing consistently. Xoxo.

You have some pulp in your hair

School is supposed to start today, but somehow, like everything else I’ve experienced here, things aren’t going as planned. At the end of last year my students took tests set by the ministry; the first years took promotional exams to determine whether or not they can go on, and the second years took certification exams, to determine whether or not they can become teachers. The ministry is in charge of grading the exams and then giving the PTCs the results so we know who among the first year students is allowed to come back and continue, except that we are still waiting on the results.

It’s funny when people back in America swoon over things I’m doing here and the life I’m living… yes, it’s an adventure just buying vegetables sometimes, and yes I’m pretty stoked to be able to say I did this, but when it comes down to it, my days are very slow and I read a lot of books. I have acclimated to the laid back lifestyle, probably better than I care to admit, so when I walked up to the college last week and meandered around and chatted with people, I wasn’t too surprised or disappointed to hear that no one knew what was going on. This morning, the first day of school, I guessed that I could take it slowly getting to the college, so I went for a run and ate a papaya off my tree before worrying about going to work. However, when I finally walked up at 9 and found the college empty, I was a little confused. (Teacher friends in America, can you imagine?) Only Bensy and Jasper – the school secretary and assistant – were there so they alone reaped the benefits of my boredom last weekend (read: some effing delicious banana bread that I’d brought to share at tea time) It tickled them to be the sole recipients of something Liz cooked, Liz who can’t cook to save her life, look at her, there’s no way she can cook Skeris. Oh ye of little faith, just wait till you taste that bread.

Yesterday was spent sitting in the sunshine, reading a book, and trying to get my Florida on. I picked some limes from my tree, and figuring they’d make a decent substitute for lemons, squeezed them into my hair to try to speed up the blonde process that is already taking place. At about four, the flies were way too happy that I had fruit juice in my hair so I had to call it a day and go take a shower. I am super conservative with my water here and don’t usually shower except once every *grumble grumble* so I don’t really want to repeat the lemon-lime hair-do today and have to wash it again, two days in a row. Blasphemy!

On a closing note, my friend Ilse does a much, much better job of describing what it's like at the beginning of school here. Except that she apparently has some students and I still have zero.

Wanderlust

I have less than 15 months left. I know this because the countdown on my wall tells me so. In two weeks I will mark my one year anniversary in Uganda and marvel at all I've done and how quickly this is really passing.

I got my iPhone unlocked back around Halloween (I know it was then because I was laying in bed with my umpteeth stomach issue and missed the party, I was supposed to have been a cat.) Since then I mainly use that to check facebook and email, so updating the blog got pushed to the back burner, as did almost every other internet related thing. I honestly can't remember what I used to spend hours upon hours at my computer for. I'm sure I'll remember when I get home and have wifi again, but for now it all seems like a waste. Both book and wish lists have been updated, so check them out if you want :) Anyway, tons has happened since my last update so I'll do my best to recount the last three months, by far my busiest in country.

Thanksgiving was spent at my house, my tiny, two room, 240 square foot house. Nine people were here and it was the best Thanksgiving I've ever had. The night before was spent drinking and laughing, as it should, but Thanksgiving was spent proctoring exams and fretting over lost packages. We decided to wait until Friday to cook, hoping that my mom's three (THREE!) boxes of traditional food would make it here in time. Knowing that there was cranberry sauce on the way helped make the decision. It was definitely a good one because for one thing it rained all day Thursday, for another power was out, for a third not everyone was there, and for the last, the packages arrived Thursday evening :D Friday morning began early, around 7, with the Ugandan greeting that replaces a knock on the door - "Kodi!" which translates to "Hi! I'm outside, are you home? Can I come in?" (The response is "Karibu" which means "You are welcome".) The assistant secretary at my school, Jasper, was standing there with another gentleman and a giant live turkey strapped to the back of a bicycle. We were elated to see that he had come through (Jasper, you rock!) and got to work on killing and dressing the poor bird. The askari (guard) who takes care of my compound helped us clean it out. The day was then spent eating pancakes, cooking pie, deep frying the turkey in my yard, and swooning over everything my mom had sent. The meal far surpassed anything we had been expecting; we had turkey, mashed potatoes (with ranch!), sweet potatoes, stuffing, gravy, cranberry sauce, beer bread, individual pumpkin pie jello pies, and apple pie that spelled out "Peace Corps" with the crust. With everything that we've experienced this past year, spending a holiday with friends and amazing food was all any of us could have asked for. It was delicious and we were thankful.

A week later a few of us reconvened to put on a 5k race and health fair in commemoration of World Aids Day. Rewind a month to a site visit by my assistant program director where he asked Jacque "so what are you planning for WAD?" Um. In the time it took him to drive from Jacque's site to mine, we collaborated on the phone and came up with an answer for me to give him when he arrived. "We're thinking of doing a 5k race and health fair, how does that sound? The grant was due a month ago? crap. Well, I am confident that we can do this." We wrote a grant for $500 and planned an event to take place at my college the day after term ended. We had shirts made, got a radio spot, advertised, and planned for a 7 booth health fair that was open to the public. 40 people came and ran, and at least twice that came to talk about issues surrounding HIV/Aids in Uganda. We talked about other STDs and how those can both increase your risk of contracting HIV (open sores!) and be ten times worse if your immune system is already compromised. We demonstrated how to use a condom on a "toilet paper holder" that we had made by my carpenter the day before. We gave a quiz to see how much people already knew, and we played a game to deomstrate how quickly HIV can spread through a community that has a "sexual network" like many in Uganda tend to have. Though there were definite things that we were like "oh, oops" about, it was a total success and I felt amazing at having pulled it off. Next year will be even better.

With term being over and my community basically deserted, I had few qualms about leaving for a week to be a counselor at Camp GLOW Uganda. We hosted 150 girls at an amazing school down in Entebbe. The sister (nun) who runs this school needs some kind of award or recognition not only from the ministry but from the international community too. Her primary boarding school is home to girls from 6 to 14 (roughly, some are older due to issues that prevent girls from starting school on time) and they are all treated as family. The compound is immaculate, the food is delicious and varied, and she treats everyone she encounters with an amazing amount of respect. The week was spent with classes and activities focused on empowering girls to set their own goals and make decisions that will keep them healthy and happy. We talked about gender roles and how biologically speaking, there is very little one sex cannot do that the other can (the exceptions being producing sperm, giving birth, etc). I talked about how sex is decided by nature (or God, for those more religious) but your role as a woman or man is decided and dictated by culture. We played team building games and did arts and crafts. The girls had questions to think about each day and were able to journal each night after group reflection. It was a really cool experience and I'm looking forward to doing both Camp GLOW Northern Uganda in April, and the national camp again next December.

After camp, I went hiking with some of my friends and got to once again experience how beautiful this country can be, when it's far away from the pollution and litter that plague many of the bigger towns. There were a couple time when I was on my own, some people ahead with the porters carrying the food, and some behind with the guides, that I felt absolutely tiny. There was not a house or a road or anything within a day's walk and the silence was deafening. From the peak we could see the ridge that divides Uganda and Kenya, and it was one of those moments where I had to pinch myself to see if this is really my life right now. After descending, with sore knees and even sorer feet (um hello blisters!) we spent a weekend in Kampala and stayed at the home of a guy who works in the embassy. I took a hot shower and (wait for it... waaaait...) did laundry NOT BY HAND. Amazing. I just sat there watching TV while my clothes were getting washed and dried, all on their own! Magic! We ate copious amounts of delicious food and saw what life might be like in the foreign service (minus the actual work part, we just hung out). Pretty tight, and I'm again rethinking taking the Foreign Service Exam.

Christmas and New Years were spent in the company of other PCVs, even though neither of them felt like the real holiday. It was stiflingly hot, and while we dressed up, ate a really good meal, and exchanged gifts, it felt nothing like Christmas at home. It was my first Christmas away from home (my older brother has spent many away from us, my younger brother hasn't yet) and I'm almost sad to say that I think it was ok... obviously I'd rather be with family, but having made such good friendships here I didn't feel at all down or sad that day. One down, one left.

That brings me back to home, and finishing up the break from school. In true fashion, I'm only partly sure what's going on in terms of starting the school year. I know students are supposed to come back on February 6th, but I haven't been told anything definite other than that. I'm looking forward to teaching again, but also trying to get more done with the projects I'd started to start when the school year ended (the school year here is the calendar year, not August through June) I'm hoping to get more involved with PIASCY (HIV/Aids), and hoping to go a little further with teaching reusable menstrual pads (and more importantly, teaching my students to teach it...)

It's dry season now, in full swing, and hot as all get out. It hasn't rained in well over a month so everything is brown and dead. The bushes around my house were somewhat burned (I think in an attempt to burn piles of leaves gone awry) so I'm hoping they grow back. I have tons of privacy at my place, but only so far as the bushes are there, I realized. My house and compound feel totally secluded, but I quickly realized that I am smack in the middle of it all. I bought a fan too, but oddly enough I haven't used it all that much. Power has been ridiculous lately, and I don't like sleeping with it on, so I've kind of gotten used to laying on the couch in the mid-afternoon just lamenting how hot it is.

In fun news, I have my ticket back to the states for Danielle and Blake's wedding! I get in around midnight the night before, so I'm crossing my fingers for smooth travels and nothing resembling the plot of a hairbrained movie. I'm visiting Jordan on the return trip and am incredibly excited about seeing the ruins at Petra and the Dead Sea. Also, Jamie and possibly her sisters are *planning* on coming to visit in August to go see the mountain gorillas! I feel like having people come visit makes this whole thing more real, because when I get back and am describing how utterly ridiculous/disgusting/beautiful/delicious/stinky/hilarious something is, someone will be able to back me up and say "yep, she's not lying."

~Happy 2012~